Your Stimulus Check

I had a good friend mention keeping our Christmas money "in the family." And it really hit me that I'm so guilty of buying crap just to fill some kind of quota. A Christmas quota, ya know? I have five kids and every kid gets at least two gifts from us... one of a necessary sort and the other something from their list. But, usually, I end up at Walmart buying CRAP. Well, that's the way it seems at times...

Then I got this email and it made me chuckle and think, YES. WE are going to do something different this year. I am going to buy American. NO matter what. That is my goal. Even if it means gift cards to restaurants....

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by  using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ? 
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers. 
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a  high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will  go to China or Sri Lanka . 
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or  China .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard  sale and drink beer all day!
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.